Looking Good Naked– Or Not

I have self confidence issues. I know, it’s hard to believe but reality is– I do. Especially when it comes to my overly rounded body. Yes, I’ve been losing weight going to Weight Watchers, exercising and in therapy to resolve some serious issues. Though I’m learning to love me in all my craziness, the physical aspect is dicey. But then I discovered the show, “How to Look Good Naked” with Gok Wan. Recently, I bought his book, “How to Dress” on my Nook Color. ┬áIt really hit home for me on a lot of things I knew, things I hadn’t knew. But more importantly, he did something for me I hadn’t realized I desperately needed– he made me feel beautiful. He told me I was gorgeous, beautiful, curvalicious, and more.

Normally, I have a hard time believing when people compliment me. I’ve been working on it, and I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear these things from the people I love. Growing up, I didn’t get a lot of positive feedback on my looks, my smarts (yes, I am smart–scarily so at times LOL), or on how good a person I am. Over the years, I didn’t think compliments meant much– but now, now I’m seeing how much I need to be told that I look good, make others feel good and more. Perhaps the deprivation is now resounding loudly in my soul– but when Gok talks about a woman having luscious bangers and fantastic curves, it resonates. Now, I know he is gay, but the thing is– he truly believes in the beauty of women.

The show I watched was one where Gok went to see Lucy, a woman he worked with the year before. He wanted to see what had changed in her life. I really truly fell into this story and cried. In many ways, I could feel Lucy’s story. Though I’m bigger than Lucy, I’m built like a linebacker in the shoulders and my curves do not always go in the ways they should– yet Gok managed to find the feminine mystique in Lucy. Even within myself, I thought, “I could be prettier. I could believe that I’m good enough.”

I’d love to have a fairy Gok-mother to come and remake my wardrobe and help boost my self esteem more. In fact, it’d be nice to have a stylist to go through my clothes and help me see what works best for me, what doesn’t but why I picked those clothes and find clothes with those elements that DO work for me. Gok– if you read this– we need you in the US. Seriously. Please.

Cyn and the Pedometer

I bought a pedometer the other week, finally getting it to work on Sunday. So, I wear it thinking I’ll be amazed at how many steps I take every day. Here I am thinking I’m doing at least 3k a day. At the end of the first day at work, I look down at it and blink. It’s almost to 3k, but it’s not as many points as I thought it’d be worth. I was seriously disappointed to find out that I need to add more walking into my day. It’s not that I’m lazy, but honestly, with the hot weather and high humidity, I’m not one for being outside to increase my likelihood of having an asthma attack. Yet…there’s this part of me that’s wanting that 4k mark badly.

So, I’m plotting out my strategy for this weekend at work. I’ll stand more at my workstation, doing my walking in place to get more steps in. I’ll do my stretches, which my doctors are requiring of me anyway for my fibromyalgia. Those stretches count as they add up over time. Then on my breaks, I’ll walk a bit more instead of sitting and talking the entire time. That should help too. Perhaps I’ll even go for an afternoon stroll once I get home from work. There’s got to be a way!

Me and the pedometer. It’s an evil thing– and now I’m addicted to making that number go up!

Personal: Doing for Myself

Today, I’m posting for me, about me. Last week Thursday, I got my hair cut, styled, and coloured. I love it. It’s still easy to take care of and my natural waves and curls are now coming out more. One of my workmates did it for me- and she did a fantastic job! I’ve begun taking small steps towards doing more for myself and to get myself back in shape, physically, mentally and in my writing. It’s not easy, because I’m still very tired easily and my sleep has good and bad nights. It’s definitely hard to overcome that, but I’m trying hard to do so. Continue reading