Struggles and Writing

cynwritetalkSo I sit here today watching football in a booth with my male and his mom at a regional chain restaurant. It’s a bit liberating and at the same time it’s chaotic. Do I love football? Yes. Am I fanatic? No. But the energy is great. It’s also a great way to help focus your mind on something new and let yourself go in new directions. I needed this. For a while now I’ve been struggling with some writing issues. I go through good and bad moments with my writing. Things have been better but with my work schedule, it’s been so difficult. However, I’ve had some tarot readings that really made me look at things in a new way. Plus, I’ve made some changes at how I look at myself that are helping me view my writing in a new light.
I know it might seem a bit crazy, but the readings helped me to see that I need to be patient. My life has been chaotic the past year and I’ve been changing in more than one way and I’m not the most patient of people when I know I have deadlines for myself. I have higher expectations than I probably should even though I keep telling myself that no one else would hold me to these things.

Sitting here writing this blog, I realized something- I like writing not connected to the internet. The energy is great. I think I might have to look into having a day where I go somewhere- either a restaurant, Starbucks, or something similar. It’s like there’s a freedom to write without the pressure of the internet. Plus, having some stimulation of the people watching helps with ideas.
The readings also pointed out I’m in the middle of growing, changing how I view myself and my writing– which I do. I’m expanding from just romance- I’m writing mystery and urban fantasy now as well. It’s a scary process and it’s one I want to do well. Shifting genres isn’t easy and keeping up with my original genre and adding in new genres is definitely an artform in itself. But it’s freeing. Someone who knows me well recently asked me if I considered writing scripts for tv or film and I cackled madly. I have always considered writing for film and tv and yes I know how to do it, but no, it’s not my menu for the moment. Maybe in another year or two. Maybe. It would be a trip to try. LOL.

Some of the readings spoke specifically that this fall would be my time to go forth and really move to the new beat. That I didn’t have to rush to that point. It’s been hard to be patient. Worse, there have been times where I’ve pushed when I should be sitting back and letting things go and focusing on myself. My health takes center stage on occasion and when it rears up, I let it play itself out. I have no choice- even when I want to write. I will admit, however, this year has been one of getting my life back together– both personally, health-wise, spiritually, and professionally in writing and in my day job.

A word about my day job. I actually love what I do. It’s weird because it’s rare for a writer to have a day job they really enjoy doing besides their writing. However, I have to admit- insurance is fascinating. The fact that I specialize in auto insurance is immaterial. I will admit that people still surprise me with wanting to not pay for insurance they use thinking that since they can’t see it, they shouldn’t pay for it, but gods forbid if it’s not there…yeah. Or that we should give them more time to make a payment that’s already 20 days late and the policy is set to cancel, they don’t get why they can’t get another 15 days to make a payment. “Umm, we’re not going to give you free insurance when you’ve not paid for the insurance we’ve extended to you?” You have to be amazed by the temerity of people. Yet, the complexity of insurance is interesting- fifty states all with different requirements and more. It’s fascinating, there has to be a story in there somewhere.

So, writing and I are getting back on track. Today was a test for me. One, I’m happy to say was a success. Second, I have to admit, I will be repeating weekly. Now I have to tell my male that I will be abandoning him or accompanying him on football days or going elsewhere at least one of my days off each week. LOL. You have to love when a test becomes that kind of successful. It just makes it all the more worthwhile. I feel happy. I feel accomplished.