Sex 101: Big Girl Sex in Romance

th_d02b28a3 I have been reading pet peeves lately in blogs online and some are amusing, some I agree with, some not so much. There was one that opened my eyes. There was a commentary about sex that sort of sponsored this post. I think the idea of what constitutes a big girl relates part of it. If you’re a size 12—you’re not big. You’re normal. Size 16—you’re on the cusp. But if you ask any woman of size—they’ll tell you size 18 and up are BBW (big, beautiful women), and anything less fits into normal guidelines. Which brings me back to sex and us big girls. Sex isn’t like what you see for porn stars or even on the big screen. Though when you read about it in romance novels, you wonder– how realistic is it? Or is it? Which is why I decided to finally devote a blog post to sex and sex toys to those who are of the goddess size. 

Let’s talk about positions that work best for us girls and those that perhaps need some modification to work better. Let me explain- I’ve been skinny, I’ve been big, so I’ve been in both worlds and can tell you how it works best for me. It might vary for some of you ladies out there, but overall, from talking to others who are BBW, there are some common denominators out there. Just remember, I’m only touching the tip of the iceberg. When it comes to romance novels and even to real life– there is so much more to be shown and done. Remember that. So let’s talk positions! 

Though missionary position can be done easily for most of us girls without any changes,when you incorporate a pillow beneath our hips, it becomes even easier for penetration. Why? It helps to tip our hips into a better position for better entry. Many men will tell you doggy style or rear entry is the best position for them and us , especially with a pillow for our tummy as extra support. I won’t deny the position does allow for better penetration as well as deeper orgasms for women who are able to have orgasms from penetration. For the record, pillows are a big girls best friend when it comes to hot, erotic sex. Why? It helps to keep position for long periods of time and to prevent muscle spasms. (Even our thinner brethren get them, but it is more obvious with us.) When you use pillows, towels or even ties to help with lift and to support– it makes life easier for us both to enjoy hot sex. 

Another favourite among us women is being on top. Most people would say we can’t be on top, but this is a great fallacy. In fact, we can, because we can control our positioning better. The only issue is how strong our thigh muscles are. If they’re not as strong, we might have to lean forward and use the headboard to help maintain momentum with arm strength. Men with strong arms who are willing to allow their women to use their arms as counterbalance will receive a pleasant experience as the women rock their hips using their arms as a stabilizing balance. Give it a try, you might find just how much pleasure you can not only give, but receive with your woman on top. It’s a fantastic experience. 

Spooning sex is great too. Oh yeah, I love it. The great thing is you’re using your assets for your pleasure. As you’re rocking together, you’re squeezing your legs together, which provides extra pleasure for you both. *squirms* Add in him playing with your breasts and clit while you encouraging him to fuck harder while you roll your hips back on him—yeah fun and you’re laying down comfortably for the both of you. Plus, if you want, you can always put a small bathing pillow between your knees if you want for a slightly different sensation. (If you haven’t done this, you might want to give it a try.)

For those who like it a bit kinkier– time to add in something about those who indulge in BDSM techniques– us big girls love it too. Whether we’re submissive or Dominant, we enjoy taking part in a good scene. More importantly, we enjoy feeling seductive, powerful and at the same time, feeling like we’re giving you just as much power over us as you give your power to us. We enjoy good spankings and we’re built to take them. It doesn’t mean we like to be abused, but some of us might like it a little rough. Ask, you won’t know until you ask us what we like and what we don’t like. If we break out the handcuffs and the silk ties, watch out– anything just might happen and you might find yourself being tied up.  


Sex Toys and Big Girls

Let’s delve into one subject that I feel needs more exploration. It also needs to be addressed by the sex toy industry. There is a distinct lack of toys for larger women and men. People would think that one size toy fits all, but I would counter that just as those shirts that say, “One size fits most”, not all toys serve most. I am very adventurous with sex toys. More importantly, I’ve been smaller and I’ve gone larger- so I’ve ran the gamut of toys as my size has changed. What I could use when I was smaller, I couldn’t use larger. Rabbit vibrator—no. Why? The rabbit didn’t hit my clit right. In fact, it hurt because it wasn’t hitting the right area. Now, I will admit, I have extended flesh, but I also prep the area beforehand specifically for play. Yet, still, it hurts and it’s not reaching. I have to use a vibrator internal and an egg separate for my clit. Why? Because some of us larger women have deeper curves—thus the small bend on most toys do not work or reach.

Most women would need a toy possessing a wider range of bend that allows them to reposition the toy not only for depth but also for vibration on the clit. For me, I realized —things like the rabbit—it’s not really made for a woman who wants to simulate simultaneous sex with clitoral stimulation. Which is what many woman want. I’m picky, I guess. True sex toymakers need to think about making a wide range of toys that suit men and women who are of various sizes, not just in the middle. Even smaller women have trouble with some of the toys. Those of us who are bigger have to rig up things or have to have custom made toys which often cost more. It makes it difficult sometimes to recommend anything that’s “over the counter” at times, but when I can– I do. What other toys do I wish there were better versions of? 

Double penetration toys and toys with straps to fit them on a woman’s body. They don’t make double penetration toys for larger women for those who might like to play together. Which is sad because sometimes we do play together. It’s not just regular girls who do so. Plus, sometimes, we like to play with those kind of toys just to play. Why not make them so we can experiment with our partners? When it comes to anything with straps, we run into issues. For instance, consider the strap-ons and us big women out there, there are far and few between which fit us properly and fit is important when it comes to straps. Those that might be out there, it seems there is a limit to the size they make and no further, which is a giant shame. What if they were catering not only to the female population but also a male population catering to a woman’s fantasy to have double penetration but without the risk of bringing in a third person? Again, many women go to get custom created strap-ons because these gorgeous creatures have no way of purchasing something that others take for granted. 


How does this relate to fiction? Think on it– how many times do you read in erotic romance where the heroine is “larger” than her peers but can perform many of the same acts as those around her? Perhaps she doesn’t need any extra assistance and her use of sex toys doesn’t seem to be hindered by extra poundage or flesh? Perhaps the authors didn’t consider that aspect or are playing it down, thinking it wouldn’t be considered sexy. But there are those out there who do consider the bountiful goddess to be not only desirable, but extremely sexy. We often talk about how sexy they truly are. There are campaigns out there to accept women for who they are and how they look– that should also include in the bedroom and during sex as well. 

I know people will say in fiction, we all have idealized versions of ourselves when we read and for the most part, you’re right. But there is another side to that. Deep inside, where we don’t talk about- we crave for someone to love us for who we are, and for what we look like- period. So if we can start having romance books that show gorgeous larger women and men having hot sex and love—then perhaps little by little, our inner selves will feel a bit more secure in demanding it out loud. We should demand it– of ourselves and of others. We need to be honest with our need of love, hot sex, and that sometimes, we all can use a helping hand– or pillow.