Bow Before Me and Know that you are—- Submissive
A submissive is a complex creature, just as a Dominant is. The need to submit and give up control to a trusted person is their goal and their need. The stereotype runs to the gelded male on all fours, naked, and begging for mercy, or the naked female who is collared and serving her Master in any degraded way demanded from him. Again, that’s not reality within the BDSM lifestyle, though some have chosen to live that way.
Though you may see versions of this, again, bear in mind SSC. There are more variations than this extreme. What most people unfamiliar with BDSM don’t realize is that a submissive gives power over themselves to a Dominant, yet they still have the ultimate control. How? If they don’t like something, they say their safe word and everything halts immediately. There is no maybe when it comes to this kind of play. It’s either yes, no, or slowly, I’m not sure.
The variety of submissives is amazing, but you can quantify them to the following:
Not all submissives are created equal! The Sweet Submissive is the caregiver of the BDSM community, tending to his or her needs by tending to the needs of their Dominant. This isn’t a label you’ll find in Scene books though I mention it because just as each author writes differently, each submissive is different.
The Sweet Submissive can be used in writing for most of you because this person is just that, sweet. Sensual, soft. Not exactly one begging for my singletail. S/he more likely would be at home with a light bare bottom spanking like the kind you’ll find in Anne Marie Robert’s stories.
Submissive – Alpha:
The Alpha submissive is a curious role in that from the outset, they appear to be totally dominant. In control of situations, they tend to respond more often than react but they still defer to someone else much of the time for a purpose. In BDSM, the Alpha submissive would be the one deferred to by other submissives. The Alpha Submissive would have more power, and possibly (mileage may vary) be able to administer light punishment, when entrusted to or commanded by his top/Domme.
SAMM: The Smart Assed Masochist
A SAM is a player, often one who does things to irritate and receive punishment. A SAM is often found in many novels as a humorous character who is just begging for a beating or some form of punishment, yet the smart Dominant knows giving that beating is just what the SAM wants. In a BDSM sense, a SAM will make comments knowing that punishment will be administered because they want to be punished. A smart Dominant withholds beating/the punishment desired in favor of something crueler. For them, the whole thing is about getting what they want and doing whatever it takes to goad the Dominant into giving it to them.
The Slave is a hard label to openly define because it often is used interchangeably with submissive. While the two are similar, a slave is often thought of more in terms of property OR as one who gives complete and utter submission to a Dominant. A slave often surrenders free will, property, their body and mind to a Dominant in exchange for gratification of servitude. There is a lot of hype about Slavery (in the BDSM context) online. There is even a Slave Register that lists D/s couples, a message board and some online resources.
Slaves often thrive on total ownership and TPE: Total Power Exchange. They have their reasons. It used to seem odd that someone would give over total control of their existence to someone else, but after a little more thought there was a realization that it could be a beautiful thing in the hands of a trusted partner(s.) For the purposes of this workshop, remember that a submissive is vastly different than the slave but ultimately both are non dominant.
Notice how their needs and desires reflect how they submit. Yet, I can see questions. How and why do people submit? What does this actually mean?
A person with submissive tendencies wants to be taken care of. They also, in turn, want to take care of someone—but not be in charge of everything. There’s a desire to be guided, told what to do, and to be taken out of the constant mind chatter and the barriers that inhibit them. In fact, it’s this abdication of responsibility, of having someone else in control that they truly need and desire. It’s a way of relieving the day to day stress they experience in the real world that bogs them down and actually prevents them from enjoying life.
Some people need to be treated severely—sissification, medieval style torture, humiliation play to force them to let go of the barriers that make them defensive, remote, and sometimes aggressive. They have this form of dominance in order to find that place within themselves that they feel free and yet protected.
Many people confuse submissiveness with wanting someone else to do for them because they always do for others. True submission is a happiness for guidance, correction, and knowing they have a place where they can serve, and be given what they crave without any fear or guilt. Only when you can reach that point– where you serve because you crave to and because giving and being told feels right, can you truly feel the freeness of submission.
Subspace – The Almighty Mecca
Having a submissive achieve subspace is a pinnacle to reach for. This goes for both Dominant and submissive. Achieving this moment where sensation and emotion merge with a sense of fulfillment takes time, though glimpses happen as you learn about yourself.
Subspace and Domspace are very similar. You feel very aware, very in-tune with emotions, sensations, and there’s this sensation/acceptance. Over-thinking allows barriers to form- barriers that prevent us from allowing love and acceptance in. There’s a loss of believing in our nature. So, by breaking those barriers, we allow ourselves to find love, acceptance and we’re able to let go all the worries away from our inner selves.
Writing about subspace is hard. It’s unique to each individual, though there are common feelings. It’s like describing an orgasm. My sensations aren’t yours, though we may both have commonalities. So we take those aspects and tailor them to our character. Write it towards how you feel when you’re in love and nothing can bother you, and there is nothing but pleasure and happiness before you. Then you’ve got a grip on what a portion of subspace is like.
Now we’ve come to the third group. Some say they don’t exist. Some say they’re confused. Some say they’re vanilla with an occasional swirl