Today’s topic is courtesy of Mistress Nikita, who was so kind to help me with what to write about next. Though I have many topics, trying to find one that would interest readers– that’s not always easy.
How do you get people, both men and women to slow down and enjoy foreplay instead of trying to rush through it? There’s an art to foreplay, and the results will amaze people if they give it a chance- Mistress Nikita
What is it about foreplay that gets people worked up? Is it because they think there’s this chart to follow, or do they think it shouldn’t matter? Your perception of foreplay can be the reason you either enjoy it or you don’t. How can you see foreplay not just as something you do before sex, but part of your sexual experience?
The biggest problem people have with foreplay, is not knowing what it consists of, so they decide that when they’re horny, they want sex and nothing else. The problem with this is that they missed an important thing. How did they get into the mood for sex?
Fantasy is the biggest aspect of getting in the mood. Yes, setting the scene is up there, but honestly, you have to fantasize about the scene to create it. Even men, whom they say are ready for sex multiple times a day, have a scene/fantasy in their minds that they use to pump themselves up for when they want sex. It’s this part we’re going to talk about for a while.
What we want sex to be like helps us to prepare our bodies for sex. The mind does not distinguish between fantasy and reality. What it says is happening to us, happens to us. It’s why when we wake from a dream, our hearts are racing or we feel like we’ve ran a marathon. Our mind creates the actions for our bodies, preparing us and creating the sensations that we’ve done what we dreamt.
So how does fantasizing translate into foreplay? Simple, if you’re the one instigating the need for sex, it’s up to you to provide the stimulation to create the need for sex within your partner. No, this doesn’t mean it has to be hard, or even difficult. It does depend on open communication, so you know what your partner likes in the foreplay department.
Many people want some kind of foreplay- dirty talk, touching and fondling, even a bit of role playing to get worked up for the hard core sex that follows. Another good word for foreplay is romance. Men want to be romanced– not treated like a sex object (though I will say, for some men– that’s their sex fantasy!). Same with women. Women want to feel sexy, loved, and desired. It’s those sensations that get her libido rocking and readies her body to do the sexual tango.
That said, there are differences in how foreplay works for men and women. Women are more likely to respond to visual and emotional stimualation. This means breaking out the flowers, lighting candles, soft music, and telling her how beautiful she is. This emotional foreplay helps her mind to get in sync with what you want and activates necessary hormones in the body. Slow kisses, soft touches in both the genital and non-genital areas are important now. The idea is the act of seduction. Women want to be seduced, into letting their inner sex goddess out. They’re taught to be in control and not to let that side out that easily. So, by playing to their senses and to what they enjoy most- being wanted, being desired, you prepare them for hot, erotic sex using simple things that work for them.
For men- it’s a bit different. They’re stimulated visually and aurally. Ever want to get a man worked up? Whisper a naughty fantasy in his ear while wearing a sexy outfit. Rub your hand up and down his thigh while you talk dirty. These are methods of foreplay that work for most men. They want to be wanted, just as much as women do, but for them– it’s not so subtle seduction. When men see sexy things, hear sexy words,their body focuses on the idea of hot sex.
Foreplay doesn’t have to take hours of time, in fact, for many, because they’re unused to it, it can last anywhere from five to twenty minutes. It’s how you set it up that makes a difference. You think not just about what arouses you, but also your partner. If you have time to preplan something- it will make it easier and better for you both. Why? Because you’ll both be thinking about sex, thinking about getting aroused, which will arouse you because again, the mind does what it’s told, not because it’s literally happening.
The easiest way to add in foreplay into your sex life is to add small elements that you can do to ensure how excited you are to be with your partner. A small note telling her how excited you are for tonight’s fun. Calling him up and whispering at what you’ve done to prepare for him. Slow touching, exploring each other’s bodies, allowing the heat to build between you both. Low whispers of what you enjoy, what fantasies you want to do with each other, how wonderful that person is to you. Simple things that add up a lot in the sexual libido meter.
Foreplay can be done as a prelude to sex or in place of sexual intercourse. Some people prefer to be seduced indepth, with the idea of being kept from intercourse, allowing the pressure and the sensations to build. Long versions of foreplay allow you to role-play, to experience things that you dreamed of but never thought possible. Foreplay develops the moment you tell your partner that you have this fantasy you want to do with only them. They start getting excited, wondering about the fantasy, what they can do to make it better, and suddenly, they’re just as worked up about having hot sex as you are.
Take the time to bring just a taste of foreplay into your world. Trust me, once you do- you will wonder how you managed to have fun without it.
Until next time,