BDSM Blog Hop: How much Kink makes BDSM?

So, I’m sitting here way early in the morning, yawning and grinning. I’ve finished mad edits on a 70k book and I’m happy it’s done. Yet, I’m looking forward to working on my next BDSM book set in the same universe as Cupid Shoot, She Scores. I’ve compared the stories with the sex and though this contemporary book is hot and heavy, there is some BDSM techniques in there, though they’re subtly played upon in my upcoming release, Love Games. Are you shocked? 

One of the workshops I teach, BDSM for Writers, I point out that is that kinky sex is a form of BDSM. When you ask your lover to hold down your hands while having intercourse, or if you dress up for each other– those are some of the foundation basics you will find in various aspects of BDSM. However, one of the students asked a great question. “How much kink does it take to cross from kinky to BDSM?” This got me to thinking and more importantly, it is what has me working on a book to deepen the subject of my workshop to a whole new level.

But let’s take a sample from my book, Dragon Chef: Pixified, to see how you can have hot, kinky sex and push the kinky to the border of BDSM and some people can see it, while others might not. Near the end of the book, there is part where the dragon, Pierce, claims Selena, the pixie princess with the help of an Elven prince and the prince’s bodyguard lover. When you read part of the scene, watch for the subtle BDSM byplay that comes up, emphasizing not just the sexiness but also the emotion of the moment.

“Then, as my bond-brothers, help me convince my wayward Pixie to agree to my claiming her as my wife and mate for now and all time.” Pierce said before kissing Selena on the mouth, devouring her lips. She couldn’t help but respond, opening her mouth to his questing tongue. His hands pressed her close against his hard, lean body. Just as suddenly, she was torn from his kiss by Elvus on one side of her, Ferrus on the other, each holding her by an arm and not letting her go.

“Will you admit you love me, Selena, Pixie Princess?” Pierce asked, his blue eyes clouding over in what she recognized as lust and something else.

“I care for you. I love teasing you. But love you? Perhaps I do, but how do I know you truly love me and aren’t doing this just to ensure payment for everything you’ve done for tonight’s banquet?” Selena gasped as both men moved her down the table until they were close to the chocolate fountain.

Magick rose up between them, undoing the seams of her dress and spilling the beautiful amethyst lace and silk fabric to the floor. She stood before Pierce and everyone in a half corset and a lacy pair of underwear. Though a cool breeze flowed over her skin, Selena felt hot, especially as Pierce’s gaze took her in from head to toes.

“Bond-kin, will you do the honor of preparing my lady for feasting?” Pierce asked, undoing the fancy pearl buttons on his dress shirt. “Selena, once you admit the truth — the one I’m more than willing to admit: my love for you — then I will fully claim you. Until that moment, we’ll do this the traditional way for those Dragon mates who choose to be difficult.”

Notice how there are words to push Selena to admit her feelings? By use of magick and the elves, Pierce captures the pixie, making sure she’s restrained, unable to easily run away from him and what he plans for her pleasure and his. I don’t want to give a lot of way here, but you see Pierce’s dominant side as he directs the elves in how to pleasure his soon-to-be claimed mate.

Many readers aren’t often aware that they can enjoy the beauty that is BDSM when it’s done in a subtle, beautiful way. Yet, I’ve done that in this scene because I’ve allowed the hero to show his dominant side without being overly pushy or overbearing. More, when you see how Selena is, you’ll notice she’s not just taking anything, she gives as much as she gets. Don’t think she’s meek and mild. She demands her own way, but that’s okay– this isn’t a BDSM novel, it’s a kinky novel with BDSM elements strewn within the story itself.

Which is the answer to the question at the workshop. “When you think to yourself that this is a BDSM romance and not a hot, kinky romance novel, you’ve gone too far.”  Remember, kink is in the eye of the beholder. Some people think that sex against the wall is way too kinky. Others think until you’re in pony gear, you’re not even close. But when you’re using BDSM terms, specifically relying on BDSM known techniques within the story itself, then you can say that you might have BDSM elements within the story without crossing that kinky line into BDSM.

But hey, I like that kinky stuff too. It’s great foreplay to great BDSM stories.

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