BDSM 101: Kink for You

It’s been a while since Mistress Cyn has graced her presence on these pages. I’ve been debating on whether people want to see more on not just BDSM but about kinky sex. Imagine my surprise when I got back from Dragon Con and more to find out the answer is YES! So, I thought on the things I’ve been learning recently, and I wanted to talk about kink. Why? Because kink covers such a huge range from the mild to the wild and back again. These days for authors– they can go as mild as sex against the wall to as far out as pretty hardcore BDSM as long as it’s done well. (I won’t go into 50 Shades of Grey. I just won’t.) 

So what is it about kink that we love so much? Is it how it makes us feel? Is it how it makes us look? Or is it something else entirely? I admit, I recently picked up The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play, and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino. It’s a fantastic look at kink from many views. If you’ve not picked it up, do so. You won’t be disappointed! There are lovely chapters from Midori, Lolita Wolf, and more. It was a new way to look at the topic of kink and what it does for us. It gave me some ideas on what to bring to the bedroom to try in the future. I can’t wait to give some new ideas a try.

Back to what we love about kink. For many, the reason we love kink is how it makes us feel. It makes us feel powerful, sexy, and for some, it makes us feel out of control. It allows us to experience our sexuality in a way that isn’t on a level we equate with “normal”. That might seem unusual, yet, it’s something we all really want out of our sex experiences. We want a moment that tops everything. A moment that makes our toes curl, our breath catch in our throat, and our body shudder in ecstasy. For many of us, it takes some kind of kinky sex to bring us to that brink– not just for that one time in our life, but for many times in our sex lives. That is the one thing I think really shifts for those who are honest and upfront about being kinky– we know what brings up the charge for our arousal and helps us to get off. We are also willing to walk that line to help bring eroticism to the forefront for both parties to enjoy themselves.

Kink makes us feel sexy. Let’s be honest. Depending on how your kink goes, you suddenly feel like you can take on the world, or you can seduce that hunk or babe before you. You know you’re hot and you’ve got what they want. When you’ve got your kink on, anything can and does go your way. Kink is sexy. Sexy is kink. They go hand in hand and honestly, it brings you up to a new level. When you’re in a groove and you feel good about yourself, you feel good about your partner, and you trust in yourself, you are sexy. When you believe in that– you are sexy. Kink is very sexy– recent articles are proving it. Books are too. Kink is sexy so embrace that part of yourself and see yourself as sexy too, not just kinky!

Kinky is not just the physical but also the mental. It’s something that most of us who have walked the BDSM path realize. Those of us who write romance realize just how much sex is about the mental aspect of sex, not just the physical. Don’t get me wrong– the physical components are very important. But when you ramp up the mental– by telling someone how sexy they are, by stroking their skin and telling them how soft and sexy they feel to you— they believe it and their body reacts to what they’re hearing. Their mentality is involved directly with how much they are turned on. This is directly related to kink as well. When you can imagine the kink done to you or doing the kink to another, the high you get from that arouses you more before you do it– thus lifting you to another level as you do it. It allows your level to grow. It provides another aspect to grow.  Kink is as much mental as it is physical and we rejoice in it!

Kink– we love it. Sometimes, we miss just how much fun it can be! Go be kinky with someone today! Do something small and fun. It doesn’t have to be in depth. Just a little kink will show that someone special just how much you care for them!