A Little Bit Personal– and a bit Working

Today’s post is about me. The past month I’ve been quieter than normal. Yes, part of it was getting used to my new work schedule of 10 hour days. It’s neat having 3 days off, but those 4 days on do kick your ass. This is no joke. But there is another reason for my being quiet. I knew something was off on my stomach recently. There was a bulge when I sat up or when I moved around, even when I pushed against the counter to do dishes or clean up a bit. What I didn’t expect was the aftermath which followed when I told my doctor in my first checkup of the year. I figured it was a hernia. I was right. That said– there was more to it than that. 

blondes_dragon_7_24_2003See, when you have a hernia, they like to scan it- as in CT scan. So they did. That was not fun because me and the lovely barium decided we didn’t want to part as soon as the body should part with the product in question. It took over a week to get out of my system. However, adjusting to that wasn’t bad– just a week of gas pains, my intestines screaming in agony but otherwise no big deal. What was a big deal was the day after the CT scan when the office called me to tell me I needed to have more labwork and I needed an ultrasound. *blinks* Huh? Why is that? This is where my journey began. 

As many of you know, I had a partial hysterectomy a few years back. You know– the joyous occasion of removing the evil uterus from my body. I say evil because I had periods that any woman would kill never to have and more importantly, as we discovered later- there were other issues– like fibroids and other fun things. That, however, is another story. The one thing to remember is that it was partial. They left my ovaries because I was under the age of 50. They assumed like most people I would have need of the hormonal things and wouldn’t start menopause anytime soon. *snorts* They forgot that my family has early onset menopause and yeah– we don’t do that wait until we’re older crap– we share the fun and games of menopause while the children are young and can be impressed with the “OMG, mom is possessed” brand of craziness that menopause can be. I say this because not more than a year after my surgery– I was in menopause and threatening bodily injury to my doctor if he didn’t put me on something to make the mood swings stop. Now, you must realize I’m on anti-depressants and it wasn’t making not one bit of difference here. I was in what I call the “Cry Me, Kill You” throes of hormonal surging that only the joy of menopause can bring. 

Which brings us back to what happened next in my story. The ultrasound. Seems that there was cyst discovered on my left ovary. I know, you’re thinking, “Oh gods, that’s terrible.” *makes face* Yeah, except we knew about the cyst from an ultrasound done way back during the day of the hysterectomy. So, I was a bit upset. I asked why it was a concern and was told it needed to be looked because it looked different from before. Now, before you get crazy, you have to realize something. When I had the hysterectomy, I begged the doctor and staff just to take it all out– including the evil ovaries. However, the whole under 40 and the women under 50 don’t go into menopause thing– yeah–didn’t happen. So I ask what they’re looking for. The office tells me they’re trying to rule out any problems. “Problems like what?” They don’t really want to answer, but I’m a cranky brat who makes them answer because I used to be in the medical field at one time. They’re worried about ovarian cancer. Joy. 

So, I have labwork- to detect cancer. Also for my lovely levels of hormones and other things because my doctor adores me. Seriously, she rocks. I get the ultrasound. Things go on hold for a while as I wait to find out. The lab comes back normal but high– which means no obvious sign of cancer. Doesn’t mean there might not be– but it’s not obvious in the system. So, at this point, we’re thinking and hoping it’s a bad, evil cyst. I finally get the answer from the ultrasound on Monday– it’s a complex cyst. It’s got to be watched, just in case, but they don’t think it’s cancer. So– major stress relief is thrown from my shoulders. Then the following part– “Oh yeah, your levels are off and the doctor says you need to get your stress levels down before it causes you more problems.” *blinks* Uh huh. Sure. No stress. Right…Okay, boss. *headdesk* 

Thus you now know my reason for being in hiding, not posting, not being anywhere as outgoing and forthcoming as I normally am. This has been a tough month and a half of waiting, wondering and hoping for good news. It scared me and my family because honestly– we didn’t know what to expect. Yes, I still have to be tested later on and keep an eye out for any pains that might mean the cyst breaks open. (I hear this pain is mega evil intense. I’m voting for this NOT to happen.) If I have problems like that, I need to notify them right away so they can get more scans done. It might mean surgery to remove the offending ovary. (I vote it out the body now, but yeah, insurance might not agree so much. Stupid insurance doesn’t have to live with this crap AND the hernia!) 

So how has this affected my writing? I’ve been working on one of my older stories. Reworking it, rewriting it. Making it better. It was a form of distraction I used because it helped me to think and put things into better perspective. Once it’s done, I’ll be starting on a couple other short projects while I go back to my Dog story. *grins* I want that done as soon as I can. Now that things have settled, I’m hoping I can get better at sleeping and regulating my time better for my projects since I’m only online 3 days a week and barely the other four. How do I feel about this writing? Better. For some reason– switching projects like I did was the best thing I could do. It helped alleviate some of the stress I didn’t realize I was encountering at home. Plus, it helped to clear some cobwebs as well in regards the story I was pushing myself too hard on. It’s not the story can’t work– it can and does– but now, I can go back to it with a fresh outlook and a better frame of mind– something I hadn’t had for the story since the beginning. I think that might make all the difference in the world. 

And I want to give a huge shout out to all my Word Slinger writer buddies. Without them this past month or so– I’d have gone insane. Then there’s Allie and her writing people. Thank you. You all helped me when I thought I’d lose my mind. You’ve kept me on track and more importantly– you helped me with goals and ideas to keep on with even when stressing and running was my mind focus. It helped me to keep moving forward on at least one project or more– I continued to get words in, even when I wanted to hide and do nothing. Thank you!