Today’s question was sent to me and I have to admit, it’s a good one because it deals with some concepts that used interchangably with others. So onto this week’s question.

Mistress Cynnara- What is a fetish? Do you have to have one to be kinky or sexy? — Fetishist in the Making, I think What is a fetish? According to the dictionary:

fetish (plural fetishes)

  1. Something nonsexual, such as an object or a part of the body which arouses sexual desire or is necessary for one to reach full sexual satisfaction.
  2. Something which is believed to possess, contain, or cause spiritual or magical powers; an amulet or a talisman.
  3. An irrational, or abnormalfixation or preoccupation.


What does that mean? Well, when most people discuss fetishes, they mean the first definition. It means that you need to see, think about or speaking about some object in order to feel sexual gratification. How can this be broken down simply? If you have a fetish about shoes, you must be wearing them, seeing them, thinking about them in order to have sexual release. If you like shoes, but don’t have to have them to enjoy sexual relations– you don’t have a fetish. 

Does having a fetish means you’re kinky or sexy? Yes and no. There are some fetishes that are even beyond my scope of imagining. You can be kinky and sexy and not have a fetish. It’s not that interchangable, though many people use the words in that manner. I’m very kinky and sexy, but I’m not a fetishist. I like too many things to just focus on one thing. Kinky means simply that you like unconventional and fun sexual things- BDSM, fetishes, etc. Kinky is many things, but not to the point of being only one item. I enjoy my kinkiness and so does my male. 

Being sexy is a state of mind, it doesn’t require anything else. You’re sexy because you feel good, you feel wanted and desired, and that’s all there is to it. Do fetishists think they’re sexy– darn tooting they do. Kinky people are sexy because they revel in their sexuality and in who they are. Sexy is as sexy does and don’t think you’re not sexy! Everyone is sexy, they just need to believe they are! 

Can you become a fetishist? Yes, and it can be at anytime in your life. A friend of mine just recently confided in me that he had to have the woman he was with wearing thigh high stockings on when they had sex. Without it, he found it difficult to orgasm unless he fantasized she was wearing them. This man is 42 years old and is now a fetishist. He’s begun a collection of stockings for his lover, so he can have her looking seductive and playing to his fetish. I’ve met his girl friend, and let me tell you– she looks damn good in those thigh highs. So both of them get a lot out of it. 

Hopefully this answers your question on fetish, kinky, and sexy and how they fit in daily life. Remember everyone is sexy, many are kinky, and few are fetishists. We can be many of those or just one. What counts is that you’re happy, healthy, and doing good in the world for yourself and others. 


Until next time, 

Mistress Cynnara