Yesterday I received the results of my vaginal biopsy. I had a hysterectomy in the spring of this year, followed by a Pap Smear six months later. That test came back abnormal which meant I needed a biopsy to determine what was happening. I admit, after my mom dying of lung cancer and my male’s sister fighting and beating breast cancer, I really didn’t want it to be anything serious. Our families have been through enough the past few years. Yet, I was informed that I have precancer. This means, left untreated– it will become cancer– and not in years, but in months.
There are scores of feelings and other things running through my mind right now- some good and some bad. Part of me worries on the treatment because they basically must treat this to being similar to cancer- there is no other way to treat it. That scares me- there’s no way around it. Luckily the type of precancer I have is fairly slow growing. It means I’ve got months to worry before it becomes cancerous. I realize that doesn’t sound good since in some instances that it can take years to develop. With vaginal tissue, the time frame is shorter due to the thinness of the area and because of the possibility to spreading to other areas. Of course, I’m dealing with the past of my family which is scary because everything happened at this time of year.
Overall, I’m adapting and I’m learning to accept what’s going on. I’ll be able to handle more once I know what the plan of action is, what the side effects are and how I need to handle the day to day stuff as I handle the after-effects. I am honoured by having good friends and family who are by my side and are keeping me going as I handle these things that have hit me this year. Without them, I’d have crumbled and faded away. But now I need to reflect upon the truth of the Celtic New Year and what I need to get rid of in my life and what I need to work on. Things are going to be slower for me now. I’m not the fast writer of the past, but a slower, richer writer now. I’m relearning how to outdo my ADD and how to handle the challenges thrown my way this year physically. But I’m still losing weight, I’m still trying to exercise. The hard part now is learning how to integrate things so nothing gets left behind– just rotated in turn.