Yesterday, my male and I broke up. Right now, I’m feeling empty and the heartache won’t go away. I’ve spent the day today making my doctor appointments, joining the Incredible Shrinking Authors, and sleeping. I’ve slept over 8 hours today, not including the passing out last night from the pain.
What hurts most- I’ve never had this with any other person I’ve ever dated. I was truly happy. I mean that. Happy. Content, and for the first time in my life– in love. I miss him terribly and I have to really work at not picking up the phone right now. Really hard. It’s something I’ve done for almost a year– calling him nightly to talk. But he says he’s not in love with me, not like I am with him. He says it’s not fair for me to not have that totality. Yet, he’s given me more love, encouragement, and healing than anyone. I miss him and honestly, he’s the only person in this world I’d ever fight to keep.
So, why am I hiding in my home? Why am I not facing anything or anyone? Because the emptiness is so far vast now he’s gone. It’s funny, I took for granted that he had this place in my heart. And now he’s gone, I realized– he was my heart. He was more than just heartmate. And I somehow, failed him. One day, he might forgive me. Maybe.