I have self confidence issues. I know, it’s hard to believe but reality is– I do. Especially when it comes to my overly rounded body. Yes, I’ve been losing weight going to Weight Watchers, exercising and in therapy to resolve some serious issues. Though I’m learning to love me in all my craziness, the physical aspect is dicey. But then I discovered the show, “How to Look Good Naked” with Gok Wan. Recently, I bought his book, “How to Dress” on my Nook Color.  It really hit home for me on a lot of things I knew, things I hadn’t knew. But more importantly, he did something for me I hadn’t realized I desperately needed– he made me feel beautiful. He told me I was gorgeous, beautiful, curvalicious, and more.

Normally, I have a hard time believing when people compliment me. I’ve been working on it, and I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear these things from the people I love. Growing up, I didn’t get a lot of positive feedback on my looks, my smarts (yes, I am smart–scarily so at times LOL), or on how good a person I am. Over the years, I didn’t think compliments meant much– but now, now I’m seeing how much I need to be told that I look good, make others feel good and more. Perhaps the deprivation is now resounding loudly in my soul– but when Gok talks about a woman having luscious bangers and fantastic curves, it resonates. Now, I know he is gay, but the thing is– he truly believes in the beauty of women.

The show I watched was one where Gok went to see Lucy, a woman he worked with the year before. He wanted to see what had changed in her life. I really truly fell into this story and cried. In many ways, I could feel Lucy’s story. Though I’m bigger than Lucy, I’m built like a linebacker in the shoulders and my curves do not always go in the ways they should– yet Gok managed to find the feminine mystique in Lucy. Even within myself, I thought, “I could be prettier. I could believe that I’m good enough.”

I’d love to have a fairy Gok-mother to come and remake my wardrobe and help boost my self esteem more. In fact, it’d be nice to have a stylist to go through my clothes and help me see what works best for me, what doesn’t but why I picked those clothes and find clothes with those elements that DO work for me. Gok– if you read this– we need you in the US. Seriously. Please.