First things first, let me explain– orgasms are NOT the same as ejaculation. They are two separate events, where orgasm leads to ejaculation. Though many people think of them as one and the same, they are not. Men can have orgasms without ejaculation, but cannot ejaculate without the orgasm.

Notice the picture regarding an erect penis. What this does it help you to understand the complexity that goes into a male orgasm. Though it’s a joke that men are quick on the sexual draw, there is a complex process that allows them to orgasm and ejaculate. When erect, blood fills the area, bringing about a buildup of pressure for men. This is what I call, “the need for release.” This need helps to get the seminal fluid and the sperm to mix in the correct portions with a bit of prostate fluid to create the perfect semen to be released.

Male orgasms differ in intensity, just like women’s do. In fact, there are various factors that can help men to have stronger, more mind-blowing orgasms. What’s interesting– sometimes they need the loving touch of their significant other to do so. Remember, the past couple of weeks, we’ve been talking about how men can help their women to have better orgasms in a multiple of ways, this week it’s about making them feel like a king!

One of the surest ways of giving him a great orgasm- make him go without for a while. Yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and when he denies himself masturbation and going without sex, when it comes time to enjoy it–the explosion is more intense for him. Why? The buildup of desire, of having that release, helps stimulates his mind to the point that the body begins craving that release, knowing it’s got to wait.

Think about it like this, when you tease a man, stroking his cock, perhaps giving a slightly stronger squeeze than normal, nibbling on the head of the cock, and performing oral sex, you’re increasing sensations along this blood-filled area that now is beginning to throb. Even more intense, his body senses his testicles tightening, his cock thrumming, and his mind is beginning the countdown to explosion. The more the tease and stop, the more he will want to come and the orgasm that builds from the base of his cock upwards, increases in intensity when he finally is allowed to ejaculate.

 Now, there’s a secret in here that most men don’t know. What is it? When men orgasm, it’s not just from their penis, it’s also from the anal area as well. Yes, men can and do have analgasms. In fact, when they orgasm, the sphincter muscles tighten, the prostate is massaged, and the muscles along the penis contract rhythmically on their own until finally the fluids created mix and spurt out through the opening on the head.

Remember the article on anal play we did? Just think on how intense of an orgasm a male would enjoy combining both mild anal play with sexual intercourse. It’s a biggie, and once it’s experienced, very few men are willing to give up that kind of sensation just because it seems weird. What if the man is still thinking that only homosexually oriented males engage in that? Well, they need to think again. More and more men are discovering that anal play for them, massages some of the most sensitive nerves in their genital areas and it doesn’t mean they’re turning gay– it means that they’ve finally are enjoying the same intense, mind-numbing orgasms gay men have known and experienced for years.

 Here’s a surprising fact for many people– male orgasms last on average– 17 seconds. That’s right, 17 seconds from start to completion, but the hormone commotion then takes over. Which means, during those precious seconds, your male has triggered a hormonal explosion within him to equal your own. It’s this intensity that tend to take the punch out of most males and why with the prolactin release, they feel the urge to sleep. Most women are reaching their need for release right at the same time, so you have to ask– how can we make this last for us both?

First things first- allow the male in your life to bring you to orgasms through clitoral stimulus at least twice. Why? Because you’ll be lubricated and your vagina will be ready to get in on the act.

Second- woman superior position allows you to control the depth, the pace and bring him to that point of needing release. Instead of letting him have that release, you can place your thumb at the base of his cock, and your other fingers along the opposite side and squeeze until the urge passes. Then begin again the process of arousing you both through various positions that heightens that desire within your bodies.

Only when you are both close, let it happen. It honestly doesn’t matter who comes first, but know this, even once a man ejaculates, he’s still able to keep thrusting with a semi-erect penis within you, which means it’ll slide against your G-Spot, giving you more sensations, sending you into an orgasm as well.

Side note about oral sex. Males love this. Part of it is mental– the idea of being serviced, the idea of a woman taking him into her mouth, pleasuring him and only him, it’s a turn on that can’t be denied. In fact, you can use oral sex as a way to train a man to last longer, getting him aroused, teasing his cock over and over, with down time only when he’s hitting that point where he needs to come. By using this way of training, you’re also doing him a favour, you’re giving him a chance to experience an intense orgasm that he might not be used to having.

Of course, I couldn’t talk about male orgasm without talking a bit about toys. Cock rings are fantastic! Why? Because it helps a male to hold back his as it also provides clitoral stimulation for the female. There are various types, though know that the stretchy ones of plastic-don’t hold back orgasms as well as the leather straps that lock to a certain size. What I recommend is having a set of both– leather and plastic. Experiment with the cock rings to see which ones are comfortable for him to have on, but still give him the resistance he needs to prevent his orgasm from coming too soon. Use the leather one for those nights you really want to drive him wild, only releasing it when you want him to come hard and long.

Hopefully this three part series on orgasms for men and women will give you some ideas on how orgasms work, how they can be done together and separately. Orgasms are different in intensity, duration, and type for each person. We can’t ever completely line up, but we can do our best to make it close. It takes time, experimentation and most of all– an adventurous spirit to try something new sexually with the one we’re with.

Until next time, keep safe, dream hot, and act out those sexy fantasies with your significant other!

Always,

Mistress Cynnara

Orgasms are considered the end all, be all of sex. But when you read many magazines, they talk about the various orgasms and how to get them. Yet, no matter what I try, I can’t seem to have them but only one way. Is this wrong? Or are there other ways to experience the joys of orgasms?— Orgasmically Challenged

One thing to note, not all women are capable of orgasm. That’s right, not all of us females have the capacity to orgasm due to biological differences, diseases and other aspects that stop us. So, please go see your doctor and discuss this with him/her and see if you need specialized treatment for any medical problems. Ths same goes for men, if you have trouble with arousal and staying erect or having problems ejaculating– see your doctor!

Now, what’s interesting about this question is that it’s not the first time this subject has ever come up. When it comes to women and the big O– the hows, whys, whens, and the WTFs come out hard. The thing is, there is no wrong or right way to have an orgasm. The biggest misconception that both men and women have about female orgasm are the body parts– and how to make the big finale be enjoyable. Yet, for all we talk about orgasms– there is no one simple definition of what an orgasm is.

 Let’s talk about the clitoris and clitoral orgasms, which it seems that most women can achieve over vaginal orgasms. If you’re unfamiliar with what a clitoris looks like, please go to http://www.the-clitoris.com and find out more. I love this website and highly recommend it if you want to learn more about this sexual organ. Then next week, we’ll talk vaginal orgasms, and after that– male orgasms.

Most people think the clitoris is that little bud that resembles a penis, but way smaller. But there’s more to it than that. Let’s take a look.

There are a few things I want to point out at first. Most people think that bump they find in that area is the clitoris– au contraire, it’s usually the clitoral hood. Women who have a bigger hood, find it harder to be stimulated thus arousal becomes harder for them to achieve. But just like an uncircumsized penis, you can’t just pull back that hood and just go to it. You have to rub on it, massage it lightly, stimulate it so that the hood will slide back slowly and cautiously, exposing that glorious little pleasure nub. Lubrication always helps as well, so don’t stint on using it.

Notice the outer and inner labia as well. This is important, because newer studies have shown that the clitoral nerves not only are in the small bulb but extend down into the labia a couple of inches. This means that the more you stimulate not only the clitoris, but also the labia, you increase the likelihood of orgasm. How does this translate into clitoral orgasm? It means that by stroking, light sucking, light abrasion, and more, you increase the blood flow to this area to engorge and cause the nerves to react. This knowledge will come in handy later.

Funny thing is, more women experience orgasms due to clitoral stimulation, specifically direct stimulation over any other type. So, how can we have true orgasm and not let anyone else feel left out? Is there a way so both parties can have simultaneous orgasms?

Women are aroused by both mental and physical stimulation. This means that you can touch a woman all you want, but unless you hit the One-Two of Mental arousal with the physical– you’re going to be disappointed. This means that lovers have to take a holistic approach when it comes to arousing a woman. The hormonal mixture that consists of woman arousal is along the lines of a Long Island Iced Tea versus a whiskey on the rocks. So what to do?

Whisper dirty, sexy comments about what they do to you, what you want to do to her in her ear. More importantly, as you speak these things, you want to stroke her body. This means that you spend time on her nipples, the skin under her breasts, stroking down her stomach muscles, arousing her inner thighs, working your way towards the outer labia lips before sliding your finger to where the inner labia lips are. You also want to kiss her, make her feel your warmth and how doing this to her arouses you. A woman needs to know that touching her gets you excited or it cuts off part of the hormonal cocktail.

That said, when you begin touching the genitalia, start with light, gentle strokes. Why? Because you’re trying to increase the lubrication and stimulation that you’ve already started. Begin with gentle, short strokes from the top of the hood, then brushing down the labia lips. Repeat a few times, then gently, use one hand to spread the lips apart, exposing her more to your sight. Once she’s opened to you, stroke again, using both gentle and slightly firmer strokes on the inner lips, stroking the hood, and once it’s lubricated, gently pushing it back, allowing you access to the clitoris itself.

Before you get all excited here, don’t put any direct stimulation on the clitoris itself yet. Why? We’re building up the fires of arousal here. Make sure that you watch for her responses, if there is something in particular that she reacts to, you want to continue doing it, but making sure to vary it with other movements as to not overstimulate her. As the arousal grows, she might move, to guide your fingers or even your mouth to her clitoris. Be guided by her needs and wishes here. She knows what turns her on and when she’s close to orgasm.

When it comes to direct stimulation, keep it light with gentle sweeps of your fingertip or with your tongue. Occasionally with the varying of light and firm strokes, you’re going to want to gently put a bit more pressure on the clitoris. A good analogy for men is when you get very excited, your grip upon your cock will tighten then loosen, shifting the complexity of sensation. The slightly rougher grip helps increase the intensity while the lighter touch helps build that desire to a higher peak. Same principle here.  If you’re pleasuring her orally, gently rake your teeth over the clitoris, yet be cautious of causing pain. The goal here is to give a slightly rougher sensation that’s still pleasurable. If you’re finger pleasuring, then you want to flick your nail over the tip, making sure not to be too hard on the aroused nub.

Intermix both direct stimulus and indirect stimulus while continuing to stroke other parts of her body and speak to her in a soothing yet erotic tone. This contributes to the buildup of orgasm. Practice these techniques with the idea of finding out what rhythm, depth, direct and indirect stimulation is needed. You might receive an orgasm, or you might find that the woman has release, but perhaps not a deep an orgasm you might think she should have. Orgasms can be learned, though again– not all women have experienced them.

One video I highly recommend to both men and women about Orgasms is called The O Tapes. You can find out more about it here– http://www.theotapes.com/  Sometimes it airs on many of the movie channels on cable. Tape it, watch it and really learn more about how unique orgasms can be for women.