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Switches – Double the Pleasure, Twice the Work

Switches…sounds like a piece of equipment you turn on and off. Yet, it’s a fairly accurate in description, though there’s more to it than that. Switches complicate things because they have submissive and Dominant personas within them. What’s hard is that they’re often forced to suppress one side or the other, unless they’re involved with another switch.

In the long-term, this means a sense of dissatisfaction because some of their needs are not met. Yet, switches are some of the most flexible within the play aspect.

Switches are all different. Some are more Dom/me, while some are more submissive. Even where they’re dominant or submissive is diverse, which is why most switches have detailed limits lists. They have to include what they will submit to, and what they like to dominate in.

So, how do you cope with a switch? In writing, you allow you character’s needs bleed into their ‘other life’ beyond the doorway. This allows the switch to have needs met by the Dom/me or sub outside of play. Or you give the switch one of each—someone to be a sub, and someone to be a Dom/me over. This makes for great ménage stories, honestly. The one in the middle is the switch, the others are Dominant or submissive and everyone gets happy. LOL

Some of these work for switches in BDSM as well. It often takes years for a switch to realize their place within the lifestyle.

Switches get the most out of role-playing in scenes. Oft times, its within a sequence where a sub might try to Dom, or a Dom/me is forced to submit for brief interludes that best bring what I call ‘The Zone’ for a switch.

Switches never fully get into Subspace or Domspace. There is always something left lacking, unless it’s a ménage setting. That said, The Zone is a place where switches experience that blend of sensation and emotion and the not-so-completeness is minimal. But when a portion of those needs are not met in other areas, thus removing them, the intensity and completeness may occur.

See, switches enjoy the give and take of what ‘vanilla’ people enjoy, but more than that, there are further aspects, which need to be met. Though most vanillas relate to Switches, it has to be understood that they need to dominate in some areas, and submit in others. It’s truly important to realize that balance is in the receiving along the lines of a submissive and the ‘taking’ along dominant areas. It still pushes further than traditional love play. I stress this because often I’ve heard how switches are vanilla because they can’t decide. Reality is, it’s deeper than that.

I am a switch. I have this need to be treated like the queen that I should’ve been, but because of my submissive aspects, I have a very hard time demanding sexual fulfillment from the person I date. Yet, I’m a mistress of denial to prevent them from getting what they want unless they face certain things. Why? Because it gives me pleasure for having a submissive work for it. They should be giving me pleasure because it pleases them to service me, and at the same time, it fulfills my submissive side, because I don’t have to demand it, it’s given as my right. See—one plays into the other.

Notice the dichotomy and that it takes unique play for me to get what I want and need? Definitely not vanilla.

Now that we’ve covered the basics of what BDSM is, and who the players are, let’s get into where it all comes together.

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