Cynnara Tregarth

Today’s topic comes via another romance author friend of mine. But what’s interesting, is the topic is one I’ve thought on writing about but haven’t really had a chance to really sit and deal with. 

Mistress Cyn- many men talk about their love of porn, and yes, some of us women watch it. But is it really good for relationships, especially sexually based ones? — Pornious in Pennsylvania 

Porn brings up many mixed feelings in people. Some people complain that it ruins relationships because they’re so fake and no one can ever truly do what they do. Other people think that porn makes everyone into raving nymphomaniacs. Then there are the people who realize that some good porn, in small doses can be good for the relationship. 

That’s right, Mistress Cynnara advocates for good porn. I happen to be a fan of porn with plot. In fact, because of that, I’ve created a universe that has a porn company called Plotted Porn Productions. For me, any porn that not only looks erotic, but also has a plot that moves the sex forward works for me. That’s not to say, I don’t enjoy a good porn that has no plot, but those are few and far between. 

So, how can porn be good for you and your lover? Well, first– porn is very visual and if your partner is male or testosterone oriented, then most times, the physical aspect of sex will get them aroused. More to the point, the usual scenarios surrounding porn or even the soft porn you see on late night pay channels such as Cinemax and HBO, are based on fantasies that both men and women have. 

Use porn as something you do together. This is the most important part– one I can’t stress often enough. If you watch porn together and you select what you want to watch together, you’ll be able to pick up not only the fantasies neither of you have discussed (shame on you!) but you’ll also learn some techniques you can try on each other. It’s also a chance for you to take a scenario given to you and role play it with your lover. This way, you don’t have to plan anything, you can just look to your lover and say, “Why don’t we try this scenario for real, see what we can come up with?” 

Another important aspect of porn for a relationship is that it allows you to be sexy and sexual without trying. You and your significant other are sitting next to each other, watching erotic fantasies on the screen. Both of you are going to be physically stimulated without having the need to engage in heavy foreplay because the porn acts as a sort of foreplay for you both. The more you are integral to choosing the types of porn you watch, the more you can get things that interest you or you might fantasize about. 

Where do you get the porn if you’ve not bought or rented any before? There are many places you can go- including Adam and Eve. There are even places similar to Youtube where you can find short porn clips. There’s X-Tube and Porntube.com, to name a couple. To begin with, I recommend pulling up a couple of windows and go to a place like Something Sex Planet or Adam and Eve, then open another window and search on Porntube or X-Tube for snippets of the DVDs featured in the porn section. Why? This gives you a chance to preview the dvd without feeling you must buy it. 

One of the nice things about the adult novelty stores- they often have sales on DVDs, so you can get a few for a decent price- which allows you an assortment of tales to watch. If you have Cinemax or HBO, tape those shows, use them as part of a Date night with you and the SO, so you can both explore the world of porn together. 

Porn is not a bad thing– as long as you use it in moderation and with the idea of stimulating you both. It can be fun to watch alone, but when you do it together- you’ll find out more regarding fantasies, likes, dislikes and what kind of things you might want to try together. Use porn as you would any sex toy. It’s a learning tool, something to let you grow together and become closer as you explore all aspects of your sexuality. 

Until next week– keep safe, dream hot and come hard! 

Always, 

Mistress Cynnara