Cynnara Tregarth

Since my flight to the Cold Frozen North is delayed til tomorrow, I figured I’d write a special bonus article dealing a bit more with submission. This isn’t just any submission though. We’re talking about a person who is alpha– a strong, controlled person, who thinks they always must control what happens and how submission can be beneficial to them.

What is so unique and joyous about someone who is alpha submitting? Most dominants, who learn to be good dominants, spend time learning to submit– reminding them of the responsibility and the sensations that submissive experience. But for someone who is a Type A personality, a true Alpha– they have a hard time letting go for anyone. So, how can you get them to let go enough to submit to being controlled?

It’s not easy. First, you have to approach it in a different manner. This isn’t strict BDSM here, this is helping someone who bears everything to let loose a bit. Start off with something small– like being proactive and doing something sexual to them and for them. When they touch and try to push you away– step back a moment, then explain, “This is for you. Not for us. I want you to keep your hands off and enjoy until I say otherwise.” Then proceed forward with pleasuring them. If this doesn’t keep them held in check, then normally at this point, I’m breaking out the ties and tying their hands out of the way.

Why? The goal is to get them to accept pleasure. To accept what you’re doing for them and to them. That the cost is nothing- that at this moment, you want to have them enjoy without worrying what they need to do back. Once they become used to this– and look forward to this fun, you bring in another step.

You tell them that you’ll pleasure them IF they do exactly as you say. This might include oral sex-detailed for their instruction, or even mutual masturbation. The goal at this point is for you to lead and them to do as you say. If they don’t- then you stop them, remind them that you’re in charge and this is part of the pleasure process for them too. Then you start them over- pleasuring you with direct verbal instructions. You follow this up with pleasuring them and not letting them interact with you during that time. During this time, make sure you compliment each time they resist the urge to touch you, to take over. By complimenting them on this, you make them more pliable to what you’re trying to do for them and to them.

Why does it work? You’re slowly breaking down their need to control and direct things. You’re taking away their ability to do anything except what you ask of them. Then you’re forcing them to do as you direct, taking control and their ability to choose away from them. You’re encouraging them to take a passive role- doing as directed, versus doing as they deem needed. But because you’re liberally praising them along the way– on how well they’re pleasing you, how well they obey, you’re giving them reasons to allow it to happen again.

What if you have a stubborn, very persistant alpha who wants to do things their way? Who wants to overrule what you’re doing and won’t stop trying to take over? This is when you play a few games with them. You ask them to trust you. That for everything you do to them- they will get one chance to do the same. But the catch is this- if they touch you before you tell them it’s their turn- they must endure a second round, this time with their hands tied out of the way. What you’re doing is teaching them step by step how to let you please them and how to let you be in control occasionally. No alpha will ever want to let go fully and all the time- but that said, when you can get them to the point where they can relax and enjoy what you ask of them and what you do to them– without putting their own thoughts in it- you’re giving them a gift.

So, go to your alpha and say, “I dare you to let me have my wicked and wild way with you. But no matter what I do- you can’t touch me back- unless I command it. You do exactly what I say you can and you’ll be rewarded. If you don’t– then you don’t get pleasured.”

Remember– go slow. Alphas are hard to break- and honestly, you don’t want to break them. Praise them when they do well and discipline them with more loving attention when they don’t. By showing them that it’s okay to submit once in a while and enjoy the pleasure of not being in control, they’ll learn to relish being in control that much more when it’s their turn.

Always,

Mistress Cynnara